I’ve always wanted to be a queen. Actually, that’s not quite true. What I really wanted to be was a princess. Queen sounds like it comes with an awful lot of responsibilities. Princess, on the other hand, sounds eternally young and much more carefree. It’s a title that comes with pretty dresses, a tiara that’s not so heavy it weighs you down, and a castle that someone else takes care of. Alas, no one has offered me a crown.

Therefore, before I run out of time, I am adding a new life philosophy to my personal list: If no one offers you a crown, come up with your own way to get one. At this point, the days of my youth feel like they are so long past me that I’ve lost my opportunity to be a princess. I feel as if I have no choice but to shoot for queen. Happily, there are several openings for queen around my house. They are not, however, the choicest of positions. Queen of Laundry is currently available, as noted by the numerous and ever-growing islands of dirty clothes piled on the laundry room floor. They will soon form a continent. Her Majesty rules a very big kingdom.

As queen, when my children say to me, “Mom, there’s no more underwear in my drawer,” I can reply, “The Queen of Laundry did not deem it fit that she should place the clean underwear in your drawer. It remains in the clothes basket at the foot of the stairs. Kindly fetch it yourself.” And what could they say? You can’t argue with a queen, especially not one who supplies you with clean underwear.

Perhaps thinking of myself as so-crowned might make me want to do laundry. However, that would have the effect of decreasing the size of the my kingdom, thereby decreasing the size of my responsibility, and maybe demoting me to princess. I can clearly envision the results of that princess dream coming true. There are many chocolates involved and large stacks of juicy novels on the table next to where I recline. I am gracefully draped in a silk gown, empire-waist, with my hair in a lovely do that keeps my beautiful locks out of my line of vision of the juicy book. So if you would be so good as to excuse me, I must go tend to my kingdom. I’m washing my princess dress first.

ANISE RAE